9–12
PHILOSOPHER
What about you then, Menippus? Off with your independence, plain speaking, cheerfulness, noble bearing, and laughter. You’re the only one that laughs.
HERMES
Do nothing of the sort, but keep them, Menippus; they’re light and easy to carry, and useful for the voyage.
But you, Rhetorician, throw away your endless loquacity, your antitheses, balanced clauses, periods, foreign phrases, and everything else that makes your speeches so heavy.
RHETORICIAN
Look, away they go.
HERMES
Good. Loose the hawsers, then, let’s pull in the gangway, raise anchor and spread the sail, and you, Charon, take the rudder and see to the steering, and good luck to us.
Why are you groaning like that, you fools, and you, in particular, the Philosopher just despoiled of the beard?
PHILOSOPHER
Because, Hermes, I thought my soul was immortal.
MENIPPUS
He’s lying; something else seems to be grieving him.
MENIPPUS
That he’ll have no more expensive dinners, or go out at night, unknown to all, with his cloak wrapped over his head, and go the round of the brothels, and never again take money next morning for cheating the young men with his show of wisdom. That’s what grieves him.
5
PHILOSOPHER
Aren’t you sorry to die yourself, Menippus?
MENIPPUS
How so, when I was eager for death According to Diogenes Laertius, VI. 100, Menippus hanged himself. and needed no invitation?
But, as I speak, don’t I hear the noise of what seems to be shouting on earth?
