8–9
Hermes
Off with your clothes first; and then we will see to the rest. My goodness, what a bundle: quackery, ignorance, quarrelsomeness, vainglory; idle questionings, prickly arguments, intricate conceptions; humbug and gammon and wishywashy hair-splittings without end; and hullo! why here’s avarice, and self-indulgence, and impudence! luxury, effeminacy and peevishness!—Yes, I see them all; you need not try to hide them. Away with falsehood and swagger and superciliousness; why, the three-decker is not built that would hold you with all this luggage.
A Philosopher
I resign them all, since such is your bidding.
Menippus
Have his beard off too, Hermes; only look what a ponderous bush of a thing! There’s a good five pounds’ weight there.
Hermes
Yes; the beard must go.
A Philosopher
And who shall shave me?
Hermes
Menippus here shall take it off with the carpenter’s axe; the gangway will serve for a block.
Menippus
Oh, can’t I have a saw, Hermes? It would be much better fun.
5
Hermes
The axe must serve.—Shrewdly chopped!—Why, you look more like a man and less like a goat already.
Menippus
A little off the eyebrows?
Hermes
Why, certainly; he has trained them up all over his forehead, for reasons best known to himself—Worm! what, snivelling? afraid of death? Oh, get on board with you.
Menippus
He has still got the biggest thumper of all under his arm.
Menippus
Flattery; many is the good turn that has done him.
