Parodos
[Parodos]
By Jupiter! You will not deceive me; for if I am besprinkled, I shall become fine flour.
Socrates.
It becomes the old man to speak words of good omen, and to hearken to my prayer. O sovereign King, immeasurable Air, who keepest the earth suspended, and through bright Aether, and ye august goddesses, the Clouds, sending thunder and lightning, arise, appear in the air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker!
Strepsiades.
Not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lest I be wet through. To think of my having come from home without even a cap, unlucky man!
Socrates.
Come then, ye highly honoured Clouds, for a display to this man.
Whether ye are sitting upon the sacred snow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens of Father Ocean form a sacred dance with the Nymphs, or draw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of the Nile, or inhabit the Maeotic lake, or the snowy rock of Mimas, hearken to our prayer, and receive the sacrifice, and be propitious to the sacred rites.
270
[Parodos 1]
Eternal Clouds! Let us arise to view with our dewy, clear-bright nature, from loud-sounding Father Ocean to the wood-crowned summits of the lofty mountains,
275
Chorus.
in order that we may behold clearly the far-seen watch-towers, and the fruits, and the fostering, sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of the divine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea;
280
for the unwearied eye of Aether sparkles with glittering rays. Come, let us shake off the watery cloud from our immortal forms and survey
285
the earth with far-seeing eye.
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[Parodos]
O ye greatly venerable Clouds, ye have clearly heard me when I called. Turning to Strepsiades. Did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowed at the same time, feared as a god?
Strepsiades.
I too worship you, O ye highly honoured, and am inclined to reply to the thundering, so much do I tremble at them and am alarmed. And whether it be lawful, or be not lawful, I have a desire just now to ease myself.
Socrates.
Don’t scoff, nor do what these poor-devil-poets do, but use words of good omen, for a great swarm of goddesses is in motion with their songs.
[Parodos 1]
Ye rain-bringing virgins,
Chorus.
let us come to the fruitful land of Pallas, to view the much-loved country of Cecrops, abounding in brave men; where is reverence for sacred rites not to be divulged; where the house that receives the initiated is thrown open in holy mystic rites;
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and gifts to the celestial gods; and high-roofed temples, and statues; and most sacred processions in honour of the blessed gods; and well-crowned sacrifices to the gods,
305
and feasts, at all seasons; and with the approach of spring the Bacchic festivity, and the rousings of melodious choruses, and the loud-sounding music of flutes.
310
[Parodos]
Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter, who are these that have uttered this grand song? Are they some heroines?
Socrates.
By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinities to idle men; who supply us with thought and argument, and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, and ability to hoax, and comprehension.
Strepsiades.
On this account therefore my soul, having heard their voice, flutters, and already seeks to discourse subtilely, and to quibble about smoke, and having pricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute the opposite argument. So that now I eagerly desire, if by any means it be possible, to see them palpably.
Socrates.
Look, then, hither, toward Mount Parnes; for now I behold them descending gently.
Strepsiades.
Pray where? Show me.
Socrates.
See! There they come in great numbers through the hollows and thickets; there, obliquely.
Strepsiades.
What’s the matter? For I can’t see them.
325
Socrates.
By the entrance.
Strepsiades.
Now at length with difficulty I just see them.
Socrates.
Now at length you assuredly see them, unless you have your eyes running pumpkins.
Strepsiades.
Yes, by Jupiter! O highly honoured Clouds, for now they cover all things.
Socrates.
Did you not, however, know, nor yet consider, these to be goddesses?
Strepsiades.
No, by Jupiter! But I thought them to be mist, and dew, and smoke.
330
Socrates.
For you do not know, by Jupiter! that these feed very many sophists, Thurian soothsayers, practisers of medicine, lazy-long-haired-onyx-ring-wearers, song-twisters for the cyclic dances, and meteorological quacks. They feed idle people who do nothing, because such men celebrate them in verse.
Strepsiades.
For this reason, then, they introduced into their verses the dreadful impetuosity of the moist, whirling-bright clouds; and the curls of hundred-headed Typho; and the hard-blowing tempests; and then aerial, moist; crooked-clawed birds, floating in air and the showers of rain from dewy Clouds. And then, in return for these, they swallow slices of great, fine mullets, and bird’s-flesh of thrushes.
335
Socrates.
Is it not just, however, that they should have their reward, on account of these?
340
Strepsiades.
Tell me, pray, if they are really clouds, what ails them, that they resemble mortal women? For they are not such.
340
Socrates.
Pray, of what nature are they?
Strepsiades.
I do not clearly know: at any rate they resemble spread-out fleeces, and not women, by Jupiter! Not a bit; for these have noses.
Socrates.
Answer, then, whatever I ask you.
345
Strepsiades.
Then say quickly what you wish.
345
Socrates.
Have you ever, when you; looked up, seen a cloud like to a centaur, or a panther, or a wolf, or a bull?
Strepsiades.
By Jupiter, have I! But what of that?
Socrates.
They become all things, whatever they please. And then if they see a person with long hair, a wild one of these hairy fellows, like the son of Xenophantes, in derision of his folly, they liken themselves to centaurs.
Strepsiades.
Why, what, if they should see Simon, a plunderer of the public property, what do they do?
Socrates.
They suddenly become wolves, showing up his disposition.
Strepsiades.
For this reason, then, for this reason, when they yesterday saw Cleonymus the recreant, on this account they became stags, because they saw this most cowardly fellow.
Socrates.
And now too, because they saw Clisthenes, you observe, on this account they became women.
355
[Choral]
Hail therefore, O mistresses! And now, if ever ye did to any other, to me also utter a voice reaching to heaven, O all-powerful queens.
Chorus.
Hail, O ancient veteran, hunter after learned speeches! And thou, O priest of most subtle trifles! Tell us what you require?
For we would not hearken to any other of the recent meteorological sophists, except to Prodicus; to him, on account of his wisdom and intelligence; and to you, because you walk proudly in the streets, and cast your eyes askance, and endure many hardships with bare feet, and in reliance upon us lookest supercilious.
360
Strepsiades.
O Earth, what a voice! How holy and dignified and wondrous!
Socrates.
For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and all the rest is nonsense.
365
Strepsiades.
But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, the Olympian, a god?
Socrates.
What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter.
Strepsiades.
What do you say? Who rains then? For first of all explain this to me.
Socrates.
These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerful evidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining at any time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain in fine weather, and these be absent.
Strepsiades.
By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmed this by your present argument. And yet, before this, I really thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell me who is it that thunders. This makes me tremble.
Socrates.
These, as they roll, thunder.
375
Strepsiades.
In what way? you all-daring man!
375
Socrates.
When they are full of much water, and are compelled to be borne along, being necessarily precipitated when full of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other and burst and clap.
Strepsiades.
Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is it not Jupiter?
Socrates.
By no means, but aethereal Vortex.
380
Strepsiades.
Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter did not exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead. But you have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clap and the thunder.
380
Socrates.
Have you not heard me, that I said that the Clouds, when full of moisture, dash against each other and clap by reason of their density?
Strepsiades.
Come, how am I to believe this?
385
Socrates.
I’ll teach you from your own case. Were you ever, after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaic festival, then disturbed in your belly, and did a tumult suddenly rumble through it?
385
Strepsiades.
Yes, by Apollo! And immediately the little broth plays the mischief with me, and is disturbed and rumbles like thunder, and grumbles dreadfully:
at first gently pappax, pappax; and then it adds papa-pappax; and finally, it thunders downright papapappax, as they do.
390
Socrates.
Consider, therefore, how you have trumpeted from a little belly so small; and how is it not probable that this air, being boundless, should thunder so loudly?
Strepsiades.
For this reason, therefore, the two names also Trump and Thunder, are similar to each other. But teach me this, whence comes the thunderbolt blazing with fire, and burns us to ashes when it smites us, and singes those who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurls this at the perjured.
Socrates.
Why, how then, you foolish person, and savouring of the dark ages and antediluvian, if his manner is to smite the perjured, does he not blast Simon,
and Cleonymus, and Theorus? And yet they are very perjured. But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontory of Athens, and the tall oaks. Wherefore, for indeed an oak does not commit perjury.
400
Strepsiades.
I do not know; but you seem to speak well. For what, pray, is the thunderbolt?
Socrates.
When a dry wind, having been raised aloft, is inclosed in these Clouds, it inflates them within, like a bladder; and then, of necessity, having burst them, it rushes out with vehemence by reason of its density, setting fire to itself through its rushing and impetuosity.
Strepsiades.
By Jupiter, of a truth I once experienced this exactly at the Diasian festival! I was roasting a haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not cut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenly bursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face.
Chorus.
O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us! How happy will you become among the Athenians and among the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be a deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted
in your soul, and you be not wearied either by standing or walking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with cold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain from wine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, and consider this the highest excellence, as is proper a clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and by battling with your tongue.
415
Strepsiades.
As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that makes one’s bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit and hard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courage and don’t trouble yourself; I would offer myself to hammer on, for that matter.
420
Socrates.
Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except what we believe in--this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the Tongue--these three?
Strepsiades.
Absolutely I would not even converse with the others, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice to them, nor make libations, nor offer frankincense.
425
Chorus.
Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For you shall not fail in getting it, if you honour and admire us, and seek to become clever.
Strepsiades.
O mistresses, I request of you then this very small favour, that I be the best of the Greeks in speaking by a hundred stadia.
Chorus.
Well, you shall have this from us, so that hence-forward from this time no one shall get more opinions passed in the public assemblies than you.
Strepsiades.
Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I do not desire these, but only to pervert the right for my own advantage, and to evade my creditors.
Chorus.
Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do not covet great things. But commit yourself without fear to our ministers.
435
Strepsiades.
I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity oppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and the marriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use me as they please.
I give up this body to them to be beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern bottle,
440
if I shall escape clear from my debts, and appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious, impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods, inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an impostor,
445
a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely what they please. And if they like,
450
by Ceres, let them serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers.
455
Chorus.
This man has a spirit not void of courage, but prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me, you will possess among mortals a glory as high as heaven.
Strepsiades.
What shall I experience?
Chorus.
You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal lives the whole time.
Strepsiades.
Shall I then ever see this?
465
Chorus.
Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates, wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference with you, to consult with you as to actions and affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your abilities.
But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of his mind.
Socrates.
Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after this, apply to you new engines.
Strepsiades.
What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me?
Socrates.
No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are possessed of a good memory.
Strepsiades.
In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me, I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I am very forgetful.
Socrates.
Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your nature?
Strepsiades.
Speaking is not in me, but cheating is.
Socrates.
How, then, will you be able to learn?
Strepsiades.
Excellently, of course.
Socrates.
Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up immediately.
Strepsiades.
What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog?
Socrates.
This man is ignorant and brutish--I fear, old man, lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you do if any one beat you?
Strepsiades.
I take the beating; and then, when I have waited a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then again, after a short interval, I go to law.
Socrates.
Come, then, lay down your cloak.
Strepsiades.
Have I done any wrong?
Socrates.
No; but it is the rule to enter naked.
Strepsiades.
But I do not enter to search for stolen goods.
Socrates.
Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense?
500
Strepsiades.
The Greek here splits this line: (500b) Strep.: εἰπὲ δή νύν μοι· | (500c) Socr.: τὸ τί; | (501) Strep.: ἢν ἐπιμελὴς ὦ καὶ ... Now tell me this, pray.
500
If I be diligent and learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I become like?
Socrates.
You will no way differ from Chaerephon in intellect.
Strepsiades.
Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead.
Socrates.
Don’t chatter; but quickly follow me hither with smartness.
505
Strepsiades.
Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake; for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the cave of Trophonius.
Socrates.
Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door?
[Parabasis]
Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being advanced into the vale of years,
510
Chorus.
he imbues his intellect with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom!
515
Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by Bacchus, who nurtured me!
So may I conquer, and be accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies, I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy, which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows,
520
though I did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly desert the discerning portion of you. For since what time my Modest Man and my Rake were very highly praised here by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even to hold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and it was not lawful for me as yet to have children)
525
exposed my offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it, and you generously reared and educated it, from this time I have had sure pledges of your good will toward me. Now, therefore, like that well-known Electra, has this comedy come seeking,
530
if haply it meet with an audience so clever, for it will recognize, if it should see, the lock of its brother. But see how modest she is by nature, who, in the first place, has come, having stitched to her no leathern phallus hanging down, red at the top, and thick, to set the boys a laughing;
535
nor yet jeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax; nor does the old man who speaks the verses beat the person near him with his staff, keeping out of sight wretched ribaldry; nor has she rushed in with torches, nor does she shout iou, iou; but has come relying on herself and her verses.
540
And I, although so excellent a poet, do not give myself airs, nor do I seek to deceive you by twice and thrice bringing forward the same pieces; but I am always clever at introducing new fashions, not at all resembling each other, and all of them clever; who struck Cleon in the belly when at the height of his power,
545
and could not bear to attack him afterward when he was down. But these scribblers, when once Hyperbolus has given them a handle, keep ever trampling on this wretched man and his mother. Eupolis, indeed, first of all craftily introduced his Maricas, having basely, base fellow, spoiled by altering my play of the Knights,
550
having added to it, for the sake of the cordax, a drunken old woman, whom Phrynichus long ago poetized, whom the whale was for devouring. Then again Hermippus made verses on Hyperbolus; and now all others press hard upon Hyperbolus, imitating my simile of the eels.
555
Whoever, therefore, laughs at these, let him not take pleasure in my attempts; but if you are delighted with me and my inventions, in times to come you will seem to be wise.
560
I first invoke, to join our choral band, the mighty Jupiter, ruling on high,
the monarch of gods; and the potent master of the trident, the fierce upheaver of earth and briny sea; and our father of great renown,
565
most august Aether, life-supporter of all; and the horse-guider, who fills the plain of the earth with exceeding bright beams, a mighty deity among gods and mortals.
570
Most clever spectators, come, give us your attention; for having been injured, we blame you to your faces. For though we benefit the state most of all the gods, to us alone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yet pour libations, who watch over you. For if there should be any expedition
575
without prudence, then we either thunder or drizzle small rain. And then, when you were for choosing as your general the Paphlagonian tanner, hateful to the gods, we contracted our brows and were enraged; and thunder burst through the lightning; and the Moon forsook her usual paths; and the Sun
580
immediately drew in his wick to himself, and declared he would not give you light, if Cleon should be your general. Nevertheless you chose him. For they say that ill counsel is in this city; that the gods, however, turn all these your mismanagements to a prosperous issue.
585
And how this also shall be advantageous, we will easily teach you. If you should convict the cormorant Cleon of bribery and embezzlement, and then make fast his neck in the stocks, the affair will turn out for the state to the ancient form again, if you have mismanaged in any way, and to a prosperous issue.
590
Hear me again, King Phoebus, Delian Apollo, who inhabitest the high-peaked Cynthian rock! And thou, blessed goddess, who inhabitest the all-golden house of Ephesus,
595
in which Lydian damsels greatly reverence thee; and thou, our national goddess, swayer of the aegis, Minerva, guardian of the city! And thou, reveler Bacchus, who, inhabiting the Parnassian rock, sparklest with torches,
600
conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals!
605
When we had got ready to set out hither, the Moon met us, and commanded us first to greet the Athenians and their allies;
and then declared that she was angry, for that she had suffered dreadful things, though she benefits you all, not in words, but openly. In the first place, not less than a drachma every month for torches; so that also all, when they went out of an evening, were wont to say, Boy, don’t buy a torch, for the moonlight is beautiful.
610
And she says she confers other benefits on you, but that you do not observe the days at all correctly, but confuse them up and down; so that she says the gods are constantly threatening her, when they are defrauded of their dinner, and depart home, not having met with the regular feast according to the number of the days.
615
And then, when you ought to be sacrificing, you are inflicting tortures and litigating. And often, while we gods are observing a fast, when we mourn for Memnon or Sarpedon, you are pouring libations and laughing. For which reason Hyperbolus, having obtained the lot this year to be Hieromnemon, was afterward deprived by us gods
620
of his crown; for thus he will know better that he ought to spend the days of his life according to the Moon.
625
Socrates.
By Respiration, and Chaos, and Air, I have not seen any man so boorish, nor so impracticable, nor so stupid, nor so forgetful;
who, while learning some little petty quibbles, forgets them before he has learned them. Nevertheless I will certainly call him out here to the light. Where is Strepsiades? Come forth with your couch.
630
Strepsiades.
(from within). The bugs do not permit me to bring it forth.
Socrates.
Make haste and lay it down; and give me your attention.
635
Strepsiades.
Very well.
635
Socrates.
Come now; what do you now wish to learn first of those things in none of which you have ever been instructed? Tell me. About measures, or rhythms, or verses?
Strepsiades.
I should prefer to learn about measures; for it is but lately I was cheated out of two choenices by a meal-huckster.
Socrates.
I do not ask you this, but which you account the most beautiful measure; the trimetre or the tetrameter?
Strepsiades.
I think nothing superior to the semisextarius.
Socrates.
You talk nonsense, man.
Strepsiades.
Make a wager then with me, if the semisextarius be not a tetrameter.
Socrates.
Go to the devil! How boorish you are and dull of learning. Perhaps you may be able to learn about rhythms.
Strepsiades.
But what good will rhythms do me for a living?
Socrates.
In the first place, to be clever at an entertainment, understanding what rhythm is for the war-dance, and what, again, according to the dactyle.
Strepsiades.
According to the dactyle? By Jove, but I know it!
Strepsiades.
What else but this finger? Formerly, indeed, when I was yet a boy, this here!
Socrates.
You are boorish and stupid.
655
Strepsiades.
For I do not desire, you wretch, to learn any of these things.
655
Strepsiades.
That, that, the most unjust cause.
Socrates.
But you must learn other things before these; namely, what quadrupeds are properly masculine.
Strepsiades.
I know the males, if I am not mad:—κριὸς, τράγος, ταῦρος, κύων, ἀλεκτρυών.
660
Socrates.
Do you see what you are doing? You are calling both the female and the male ἀλεκτρυὼν in the same way.
Strepsiades.
How, pray? Come, tell me.
Socrates.
How? The one with you is ἀλεκτρὺων, and the other is ἀλεκτρὺων also.
Strepsiades.
Yea, by Neptune! How now ought I to call them?
665
Socrates.
The one ἀλεκτρύαινα and the other ἀλέκτωρ.
Strepsiades.
Ἀλεκτρύαινα? Capital, by the Air! So that, in return for this lesson alone, I will fill your kardopos full of barley-meal on all sides.
Socrates.
See! See! There again is another blunder! You make κάρδοπος, which is feminine, to be masculine.
670
Strepsiades.
In what way do I make κάρδοπος masculine?
Socrates.
Most assuredly; just as if you were to say Κλεώνυμος.
Strepsiades.
How pray? Tell me.
Socrates.
Κάρδοπος with you is tantamount to Κλεώνυμος.
Strepsiades.
Good sir, Cleonymus had no kneading-trough, but kneaded his bread in a round mortar. How ought I to call it henceforth?
675
Socrates.
How? Call it καρδόπη, as you call Σωστράτη.
Strepsiades.
Καρδόπη in the feminine?
Socrates.
For so you speak it rightly.
Strepsiades.
But that would make it καρδόπη, Κλεωνύμη.
680
Socrates.
You must learn one thing more about names, what are masculine and what of them are feminine.
Strepsiades.
I know what are female.
Strepsiades.
Lysilla, Philinna, Clitagora, Demetria.
Socrates.
What names are masculine?
685
Strepsiades.
Thousands; Philoxenus, Melesias, Amynias.
685
Socrates.
But, you wretch! These are not masculine.
Strepsiades.
Are they not males with you?
Socrates.
By no means; for how would you call Amynias, if you met him?
Strepsiades.
How would I call? Thus: Come hither, come hither Amynia!
690
Socrates.
Do you see? You call Amynias a woman.
Strepsiades.
Is it not then with justice, who does not serve in the army? But why should I learn these things, that we all know?
Socrates.
It is no use, by Jupiter! Having reclined yourself down here-
Strepsiades.
What must I do?
Socrates.
Think out some of your own affairs.
695
Strepsiades.
Not here, pray, I beseech you; but, if I must, suffer me to excogitate these very things on the ground.
Socrates.
There is no other way.
Strepsiades.
Unfortunate man that I am! What a penalty shall I this day pay to the bugs!
[Lyric-Scene]
Now meditate and examine closely; and roll yourself about in every way, having wrapped yourself up; and quickly, when you fall into a difficulty, spring to another
700
Chorus.
mental contrivance. But let delightful sleep be absent from your eyes.
705
Strepsiades.
Attatai! Attatai!
Chorus.
What ails you? Why are you distressed?
Strepsiades.
Wretched man, I am perishing! The Corinthians, coming out from the bed, are biting me, and devouring my sides, and drinking up my life-blood, and tearing away my flesh, and digging through my vitals, and will annihilate me.
Chorus.
Do not now be very grievously distressed.
Strepsiades.
Why, how, when my money is gone, my complexion gone, my life gone, and my slipper gone?
And furthermore in addition to these evils, with singing the night-watches, I am almost gone myself.
720
Socrates.
Ho you! What are you about? Are you not meditating?
Strepsiades.
I? Yea, by Neptune!
Socrates.
And what, pray, have you thought?
Strepsiades.
Whether any bit of me will be left by the bugs.
725
Socrates.
You will perish most wretchedly.
Strepsiades.
But, my good friend, I have already perished.
Socrates.
You must not give in, but must wrap yourself up; for you have to discover a device for abstracting, and a means of cheating.
Strepsiades.
Ah me! Would, pray, some one would throw over me a swindling contrivance from the sheep-skins.
Socrates.
Come now; I will first see this fellow, what he is about. Ho you! Are you asleep?
Strepsiades.
No, by Apollo, I am not!
Socrates.
Have you got anything?
Strepsiades.
No; by Jupiter, certainly not!
Socrates.
Nothing at all?
Strepsiades.
Nothing, except what I have in my right hand.
Socrates.
Will you not quickly cover yourself up and think of something?
735
Strepsiades.
About what? For do you tell me this, O Socrates!
Socrates.
Do you, yourself, first find out and state what you wish.
Strepsiades.
You have heard a thousand times what I wish. About the interest; so that I may pay no one.
Socrates.
Come then, wrap yourself up, and having given your mind play with subtilty, revolve your affairs by little and little, rightly distinguishing and examining.
740
Strepsiades.
Ah me, unhappy man!
Socrates.
Keep quiet; and if you be puzzled in any one of your conceptions, leave it and go; and then set your mind in motion again, and lock it up.
Strepsiades.
(in great glee). O dearest little Socrates!
Strepsiades.
I have got a device for cheating them of the interest.
Strepsiades.
The next three exchanges are combined as one in the print.Now tell me this—
Strepsiades.
If I were to purchase a Thessalian witch,
and draw down the moon by night, and then shut it up, as if it were a mirror, in a round crest-case, and then carefully keep it—
750
Socrates.
What good, pray, would this do you?
Strepsiades.
What? If the moon were to rise no longer anywhere, I should not pay the interest.
Socrates.
Why so, pray?
755
Strepsiades.
Because the money is lent out by the month.
Socrates.
Capital! But I will again propose to you another clever question. If a suit of five talents should be entered against you, tell me how you would obliterate it.
Strepsiades.
How? How? I do not know but I must seek.
Socrates.
Do not then always revolve your thoughts about yourself; but slack away your mind into the air, like a cock-chafer tied with a thread by the foot.
Strepsiades.
I have found a very clever method of getting rid of my suit, so that you yourself would acknowledge it.
765
Socrates.
Of what description?
Strepsiades.
Have you ever seen this stone in the chemist’s shops, the beautiful and transparent one, from which they kindle fire?
Socrates.
Do you mean the burning-glass?
Strepsiades.
I do. Come what would you say, pray, if I were to take this, when the clerk was entering the suit, and were to stand at a distance, in the direction of the sun, thus, and melt out the letters of my suit?
770
Socrates.
Cleverly done, by the Graces!
Strepsiades.
Oh! How I am delighted, that a suit of five talents has been cancelled!
Socrates.
Come now, quickly seize upon this.
775
Socrates.
How, when engaged in a lawsuit, you could overturn the suit, when you were about to be cast, because you had no witnesses.
Strepsiades.
Most readily and easily.
Strepsiades.
Well now, I’ll tell you. If, while one suit was still pending, before mine was called on, I were to run away and hang myself.
Socrates.
You talk nonsense.
Strepsiades.
By the gods, would I! For no one will bring action against me when I am dead.
Socrates.
You talk nonsense. Begone; I can’t teach you any longer.
Strepsiades.
Why so? Yea, by the gods, O Socrates!
Socrates.
You straightaway forget whatever you learn. For what now was the first thing you were taught? Tell me.
785
Strepsiades.
Come, let me see: nay, what was the first? What was the fist? Nay, what was the thing in which we knead our flour? Ah me! What was it?
Socrates.
Will you not pack off to the devil, you most forgetful and most stupid old man?
Strepsiades.
Ah me, what then, pray will become of me, wretched man? For I shall be utterly undone, if I do not learn to ply the tongue. Come, O ye Clouds, give me some good advice.
Chorus.
We, old man, advise you, if you have a son grown up, to send him to learn in your stead.
Strepsiades.
Well, I have a fine, handsome son, but he is not willing to learn. What must I do?
Chorus.
But do you permit him?
Strepsiades.
Yes, for he is robust in body, and in good health, and is come of the high-plumed dames of Coesyra. I will go for him, and if he be not willing, I will certainly drive him from my house. To Socrates. Go in and wait for me a short time.
Chorus.
Do you perceive that you are soon to obtain the greatest benefits through us alone of the gods? For this man is ready to do everything that you bid him.
But you, while the man is astounded and evidently elated, having perceived it, will quickly fleece him to the best of your power.
Exit Socrates. For matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn the other way.
810
Strepsiades.
By Mist, you certainly shall not stay here any longer! But go and gnaw the columns of Megacles.
Phidippides.
My good sir, what is the matter with you, O father? You are not in your senses, by Olympian Jupiter!
Strepsiades.
See, see, Olympian Jupiter! What folly! To think of your believing in Jupiter, as old as you are!
Phidippides.
Why, pray, did you laugh at this?
820
Strepsiades.
Reflecting that you are a child, and have antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach, that you may know more; and I will tell you a thing, by learning which you will be a man. But see that you do not teach this to any one.
820
Phidippides.
Well, what is it?
825
Strepsiades.
You swore now by Jupiter.
825
Strepsiades.
Seest thou, then, how good a thing is learning? There is no Jupiter, O Phidippides!
Strepsiades.
Vortex reigns, having expelled Jupiter.
Phidippides.
Bah! Why do you talk foolishly?
Strepsiades.
Be assured that it is so.
Phidippides.
Who says this?
830
Strepsiades.
Socrates the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows the footmarks of fleas.
830
Phidippides.
Have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that you believe madmen?
Strepsiades.
Speak words of good omen, and say nothing bad of clever men
and wise; of whom, through frugality, none ever shaved or anointed himself, or went to a bath to wash himself; while you squander my property in bathing, as if I were already dead. But go as quickly as possible and learn instead of me.
835
Phidippides.
What good could any one learn from them?
840
Strepsiades.
What, really? Whatever wisdom there is among men. And you will know yourself, how ignorant and stupid you are. But wait for me here a short time.
Phidippides.
Ah me! What shall I do, my father being crazed? Shall I bring him into court and convict him of lunacy, or shall I give information of his madness to the coffin-makers?
Strepsiades.
Come, let me see; what do you consider this to be? Tell me.
Strepsiades.
Right. And what this?
Strepsiades.
Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do so, then, for the future; but call this ἀλεκτρύαινα, and this one ἀλέκτωρ.
Phidippides.
Ἀλεκτρύαινα! Did you learn these clever things by going in just now to the Titans?
Strepsiades.
And many others too; but whatever I learned on each occasion I used to forget immediately, through length of years.
Phidippides.
Is it for this reason, pray, that you have also lost your cloak?
Strepsiades.
I have not lost it; but have studied it away.
Phidippides.
What have you made of your slippers, you foolish man?
Strepsiades.
I have expended them, like Pericles, for needful purposes.
Come, move, let us go. And then if you obey your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old, and bought you a go-cart at the Diasia, with the first obolus I received from the Heliaea.
860
Phidippides.
You will assuredly some time at length be grieved at this.
865
Strepsiades.
It is well done of you that you obeyed. Come hither, come hither O Socrates! Come forth, for I bring to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against his will.
Socrates.
For he is still childish, and not used to the baskets here.
Phidippides.
You would yourself be used to them if you were hanged.
870
Strepsiades.
A mischief take you! Do you abuse your teacher?
Socrates.
Were hanged quoth’a! How sillily he pronounced it, and with lips wide apart! How can this youth ever learn an acquittal from a trial
or a legal summons, or persuasive refutation? And yet Hyperbolus learned this at the cost of a talent.
875
Strepsiades.
Never mind; teach him. He is clever by nature. Indeed, from his earliest years, when he was a little fellow only so big, he was wont to form houses and carve ships within-doors,
and make little wagons of leather, and make frogs out of pomegranate-rinds, you can’t think how cleverly. But see that he learns those two causes; the better, whatever it may be; and the worse, which, by maintaining what is unjust, overturns the better.
880
If not both, at any rate the unjust one by all means.
885
Socrates.
He shall learn it himself from the two causes in person.
Strepsiades.
I will take my departure. Remember this now, that he is to be able to reply to all just arguments.
[Agon]
Come hither! Show yourself to the spectators, although being audacious.
Unjust Cause.
Go whither you please; for I shall far rather do for you, if I speak before a crowd.
Just Cause.
You destroy me? Who are you?
Just Cause.
Ay, the worse.
Unjust Cause.
But I conquer you, who say that you are better than I.
Just Cause.
By doing what clever trick?
895
Unjust Cause.
By discovering new contrivances.
Just Cause.
For these innovations flourish by the favour of these silly persons.
Unjust Cause.
No; but wise persons.
Just Cause.
I will destroy you miserably.
Unjust Cause.
Tell me, by doing what?
900
Just Cause.
By speaking what is just.
900
Unjust Cause.
But I will overturn them by contradicting them; for I deny that justice even exists at all.
Just Cause.
Do you deny that it exists?
Unjust Cause.
For come, where is it?
Just Cause.
With the gods.
Unjust Cause.
How, then, if justice exists, has Jupiter not perished, who bound his own father?
Just Cause.
Bah! This profanity now is spreading! Give me a basin.
Unjust Cause.
You are a dotard and absurd.
Just Cause.
You are debauched and shameless.
Unjust Cause.
You have spoken roses of me.
910
Just Cause.
And a dirty lickspittle.
910
Unjust Cause.
You crown me with lilies.
Just Cause.
And a parricide.
Unjust Cause.
You don’t know that you are sprinkling me with gold.
Just Cause.
Certainly not so formerly, but with lead.
Unjust Cause.
But now this is an ornament to me.
Just Cause.
You are very impudent.
915
Unjust Cause.
And you are antiquated.
915
Just Cause.
And through you, no one of our youths is willing to go to school; and you will be found out some time or other by the Athenians, what sort of doctrines you teach the simple-minded.
Unjust Cause.
You are shamefully squalid.
920
Just Cause.
And you are prosperous. And yet formerly you were a beggar saying that you were the Mysian Telephus, and gnawing the maxims of Pandeletus out of your little wallet.
920
Unjust Cause.
Oh, the wisdom—
925
Just Cause.
Oh, the madness—
925
Unjust Cause.
Which you have mentioned.
Just Cause.
And of your city, which supports you who ruin her youths.
Unjust Cause.
You shan’t teach this youth, you old dotard.
Just Cause.
Yes, if he is to be saved, and not merely to practise loquacity.
930
Unjust Cause.
Come hither, and leave him to rave.
Just Cause.
You shall howl, if you lay your hand on him.
Chorus.
Cease from contention and railing.
But show to us, you, what you used to teach the men of former times, and you, the new system of education; in order that, having heard you disputing, he may decide and go to the school of one or the other.
935
Just Cause.
I am willing to do so.
Unjust Cause.
I also am willing.
Chorus.
Come now, which of the two shall speak first?
940
Unjust Cause.
I will give him the precedence; and then, from these things which he adduces, I will shoot him dead with new words and thoughts.
And at last, if he mutter, he shall be destroyed, being stung in his whole face and his two eyes by my maxims, as if by bees.
945
Chorus.
Now the two, relying on very dexterous arguments and thoughts, and sententious maxims, will show which of them shall appear superior in argument.
For now the whole crisis of wisdom is here laid before them; about which my friends have a very great contest.
955
But do you, who adorned our elders with many virtuous manners, utter the voice in which you rejoice, and declare your nature.
Just Cause.
I will, therefore, describe the ancient system of education, how it was ordered, when I flourished in the advocacy of justice, and temperance was the fashion. In the first place it was incumbent that no one should hear the voice of a boy uttering a syllable; and next, that those from the same quarter of the town should march in good order through the streets to the school of the harp-master,
naked, and in a body, even if it were to snow as thick as meal. Then again, their master would teach them, not sitting cross-legged, to learn by rote a song, either Παλλάδα περσέπολιν δεινὰν or τηλέπορόν τι βόαμα raising to a higher pitch the harmony which our fathers transmitted to us. But if any of them were to play the buffoon, or to turn any quavers,
965
like these difficult turns the present artists make after the manner of Phrynis, he used to be thrashed, being beaten with many blows, as banishing the Muses. And it behooved the boys, while sitting in the school of the Gymnastic-master, to cover the thigh, so that they might exhibit nothing indecent to those outside;
970
then again, after rising from the ground, to sweep the sand together, and to take care not to leave an impression of the person for their lovers. And no boy used in those days to anoint himself below the navel; so that their bodies wore the appearance of blooming health. Nor used he to go to his lover, having made up his voice in an effeminate tone,
975
prostituting himself with his eyes. Nor used it to be allowed when one was dining to take the head of the radish, or to snatch from their seniors dill or parsley, or to eat fish, or to giggle, or to keep the legs crossed.
980
Unjust Cause.
Aye, antiquated and dipolia-like and full of grasshoppers, and of Cecydes, and of the Buphonian festival!
Just Cause.
Yet certainly these are those principles by which my system of education nurtured the men who fought at Marathon. But you teach the men of the present day, so that I am choked, when at the Panathenaia a fellow, holding his shield before his person, neglects Tritogenia, when they ought to dance.
985
Wherefore, O youth, choose with confidence, me, the better cause, and you will learn to hate the Agora, and to refrain from baths, and to be ashamed of what is disgraceful, and to be enraged if any one jeer you, and to rise up from seats before your seniors when they approach, and not to behave ill toward your parents, and to do nothing else
990
that is base, because you are to form in your mind an image of Modesty: and not to dart into the house of a dancing-woman, lest, while gaping after these things, being struck with an apple by a wanton, you should be damaged in your reputation: and not to contradict your father in anything; nor by calling him Iapetus, to reproach him with the ills of age, by which you were reared in your infancy.
995
Unjust Cause.
If you shall believe him in this, O youth, by Bacchus, you will be like the sons of Hippocrates, and they will call you a booby.
1000
Just Cause.
Yet certainly shall you spend your time in the gymnastic schools, sleek and blooming; not chattering in the market-place rude jests, like the youths of the present day; nor dragged into court for a petty suit, greedy, pettifogging, knavish;
but you shall descend to the Academy and run races beneath the sacred olives along with some modest compeer, crowned with white reeds, redolent of yew, and careless ease, of leaf-shedding white poplar, rejoicing in the season of spring, when the plane-tree whispers to the elm.
1005
If you do these things which I say, and apply your mind to these, you will ever have a stout chest, a clear complexion, broad shoulders, a little tongue, large hips, little lewdness.
But if you practise what the youths of the present day do, you will have in the first place, a pallid complexion, small shoulders, a narrow chest, a large tongue, little hips, great lewdness,
1015
a long psephism; and this deceiver will persuade you to consider everything that is base to be honourable, and what is honourable to be base; and in addition to this, he will fill you with the lewdness of Antimachus.
1020
Chorus.
O thou that practisest most renowned high-towering wisdom! How sweetly does a modest grace attend your words! Happy, therefore, were they who lived in those days, in the times
of former men! In reply, then, to these, O thou that hast a dainty-seeming Muse, it behooveth thee to say something new; since the man has gained renown.
1030
And it appears you have need of powerful arguments against him, if you are to conquer the man and not incur laughter.
Unjust Cause.
And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have been called among the deep thinkers the worse cause on this very account, that I first contrived how
to speak against both law and justice; and this art is worth more than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark how I will confute the system of education on which he relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not permit you to be washed with warm water.
1040
And yet, on what principle do you blame the warm baths?
1045
Just Cause.
Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly.
Unjust Cause.
Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul, and to have undergone most labours?
Just Cause.
I consider no man superior to Hercules.
1050
Unjust Cause.
Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths? And yet, who was more valiant than he?
Just Cause.
These are the very things which make the bath full of youths always chattering all day long, but the palaestras empty.
Unjust Cause.
You next find fault with their living in the market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad, Homer would never have been for representing Nestor as an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return, then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they should.
1055
And again, he says they ought to be modest: two very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your words.
1060
Just Cause.
To many. Peleus, at any rate, received his sword on account of it.
Unjust Cause.
A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no sword!
Just Cause.
And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his modesty.
Unjust Cause.
And then she went off and left him; for he was not lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night with.
Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated. But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides). consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of how many pleasures you are about to be deprived—of women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments?
1070
Well, I will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature. You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught. You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance, laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make this reply to him,
1075
that you have done him no injury: and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome by love and women . And yet, how could you, who are a mortal, have greater power than a god?
1080
Just Cause.
But what if he should suffer the radish through obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes? What argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is not a blackguard?
Unjust Cause.
And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he suffer?
1085
Just Cause.
Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than this?
Unjust Cause.
What then will you say if you be conquered by me in this?
Just Cause.
I will be silent: what else can I do?
Unjust Cause.
Come, now, tell me; from what class do the advocates come?
Just Cause.
From the blackguards.
1090
Unjust Cause.
I believe you. What then? From what class do tragedians come?
1090
Just Cause.
From the blackguards.
Unjust Cause.
You say well. But from what class do the public orators come?
Just Cause.
From the blackguards.
Unjust Cause.
Then have you perceived that you say nothing to the purpose? And look which class among the audience is the more numerous.
Just Cause.
Well now, I’m looking.
Unjust Cause.
What, then, do you see?
Just Cause.
By the gods, the blackguards to be far more numerous. This fellow, at any rate, I know; and him yonder; and this fellow with the long hair.
Unjust Cause.
What, then, will you say?
Just Cause.
We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods, receive my cloak, for I desert to you.
Socrates.
What then? whether do you wish to take and lead away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak?
1105
Strepsiades.
Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that you train him properly; on the one side able for petty suits; but train his other jaw able for the more important causes.
Socrates.
Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a clever sophist.
Strepsiades.
Nay, rather, pale and wretched.
[Parabasis]
Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of these proceedings.
Chorus.
We wish to speak about the judges, what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but for the others afterward. And then we will protect the fruits, and the vines,
1115
so that neither drought afflict them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with such slings
1120
will we smite them. And if we see him making brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish rather to have been
1125
even in Egypt than to have judged badly.
1130
Strepsiades.
The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is the Old and New.
For every one to whom I happen to be indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me, having made his deposits against me; though I only ask what is moderate and just—My good sir, one part don’t take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the other part remit; they say that thus
1135
they will never get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at the thinking-shop.
1140
Boy, I say! Boy, boy!
1145
Socrates.
Good morning, Strepsiades.
1145
Strepsiades.
The same to you. But first accept this present; for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause, which you just now brought forward.
Socrates.
He has learned it.
1150
Strepsiades.
Well done, O Fraud, all-powerful queen!
1150
Socrates.
So that you can get clear off from whatever suit you please.
Strepsiades.
Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed the money?
Socrates.
Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present.
[Lyric-Scene]
Then I will shout with a very loud
Strepsiades.
shout: Ho! Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals, and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in this house,
1155
shining with a double-edged tongue, for my guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me.
1160
Socrates.
assigned to Strepsiades in the the print.O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your father!
Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides. Lo, here is the man!
1165
Strepsiades.
O my dear, my dear!
Socrates.
Take your son and depart.
Strepsiades.
Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now, indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the place plainly appears, the what do you say? and the seeming
1170
to be injured when, I well know, you are injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you save me, since you have also ruined me.
1175
Phidippides.
What, pray, do you fear?
Strepsiades.
The Old and New.
Phidippides.
Why, is any day old and new?
Strepsiades.
Yes; on which they say that they will make their deposits against me.
1180
Phidippides.
Then those that have made them will lose them; for it is not possible that two days can be one day.
Phidippides.
Certainly not; unless the same woman can be both old and young at the same time.
Strepsiades.
And yet it is the law.
1185
Phidippides.
For they do not, I think, rightly understand what the law means.
1185
Strepsiades.
And what does it mean?
Phidippides.
The ancient Solon was by nature the commons’ friend.
Strepsiades.
This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and New.
Phidippides.
He therefore made the summons for two days, for the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the first of the month.
Strepsiades.
Why, pray, did he add the old day?
Phidippides.
In order, my good sir, that the defendants, being present a day before, might compromise the matter of their own accord; but if not,
that they might be worried on the morning of the new moon.
1195
Strepsiades.
Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New?
Phidippides.
They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as possible, on this account they have the first pick by one day.
Strepsiades.
Bravo! Ye wretches, why do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together, wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this my son,
on account of our good fortune.
1205
O happy Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends
and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish to lead you in and entertain you.
1210
Pasias.
Then, ought a man to throw away any part of his own property?
Never! But it were better then at once to put away blushes, rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to my fellow-tribesman.
1215
But never, while I live, will I disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades.
1220
Strepsiades.
Who’s there?
Pasias.
For the Old and New.
Strepsiades.
I call you to witness, that he has named it for two days. For what matter do you summon me?
Pasias.
For the twelve minae, which you received when you were buying the dapple-gray horse.
Strepsiades.
A horse? Do you not hear? I, whom you all know to hate horsemanship!
1225
Pasias.
And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that you would repay it.
Strepsiades.
Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet know the irrefragable argument.
Pasias.
And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the debt?
1230
Strepsiades.
Why, what good should I get else from his instruction?
Pasias.
And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of the gods?
Pasias.
Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune.
Strepsiades.
Yes, by Jupiter! And would pay down, too, a three-obol piece besides to swear.
Pasias.
Then may you perish some day for your impudence!
Strepsiades.
This man would be the better for it if he were cleansed by rubbing with salt.
Pasias.
Ah me, how you deride me!
Strepsiades.
He will contain six choae.
Pasias.
By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall not do this to me with impunity!
Strepsiades.
I like your gods amazingly; and Jupiter, sworn by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones.
1240
Pasias.
You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you are going to repay me my money or not.
Strepsiades.
Keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you distinctly.
Pasias.
(to his summons-witness). What do you think he will do?
Witness.
I think he will pay you.
Strepsiades.
Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell me what is this?
Pasias.
What is this? A κάρδοπος.
Strepsiades.
And do you then ask me for your money, being such an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus, to any one who called the καρδόπη κάρδοπος.
Pasias.
Then won’t you pay me?
Strepsiades.
Not, as far as I know. Will you not then pack off as fast as possible from my door?
Pasias.
I will depart; and be assured of this, that I will make deposit against you, or may I live no longer!
Strepsiades.
Then you will lose it besides, in addition to your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer this, because you named the kardopos floolishly.
Strepsiades.
Ha! Whoever is this, who is lamenting? Surely it was not one of Carcinus’ deities that spoke.
1260
Amynias.
But why do you wish to know this, who I am?-A miserable man.
Strepsiades.
Then follow your own path.
Amynias.
O harsh fortune! O Fates, breaking the wheels of my horses! O Pallas, how you have destroyed me!
Strepsiades.
What evil, pray, has Tlepolemus ever done you?
Amynias.
Do not jeer me, my friend; but order your son to pay me the money which he received; especially as I have been unfortunate.
Strepsiades.
What money is this?
1270
Amynias.
That which he borrowed.
1270
Strepsiades.
Then you were really unlucky, as I think.
Amynias.
By the gods, I fell while driving my horses.
Strepsiades.
Why, pray, do you talk nonsense, as if you had fallen from an ass?
Amynias.
Do I talk nonsense if I wish to recover my money?
Strepsiades.
You can’t be in your senses yourself.
1275
Strepsiades.
You appear to me to have had your brains shaken as it were.
Amynias.
And you appear to me, by Hermes, to be going to be summoned, if you will not pay me the money?
Strepsiades.
Tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter
always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the sun draws from below the same water back again?
1280
Amynias.
I know not which; nor do I care.
Strepsiades.
How then is it just that you should recover your money, if you know nothing of meteorological matters?
Amynias.
Well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of my money.
1285
Strepsiades.
What sort of animal is this interest?
Amynias.
Most assuredly the money is always becoming more and more every month and every day as the time slips away.
Strepsiades.
You say well. What then? Is it possible that you consider the sea to be greater now than formerly?
Amynias.
No, by Jupiter, but equal; for it is not fitting that it should be greater.
Strepsiades.
And how then, you wretch does this become no way greater, though the rivers flow into it, while you
seek to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off from my house? Bring me the goad.
1295
Amynias.
I call you to witness these things.
Strepsiades.
Go! Why do you delay? Won’t you march, Mr. Blood-horse?
Amynias.
Is not this an insult, pray?
Strepsiades.
Will you move quickly?
Pricks him behind with the goad.
I’ll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger? Do you fly?
Amynias runs off. I thought I should stir you, together with your wheels and your two-horse chariots.
[Choral]
What a thing it is to love evil courses! For this old man, having loved them,
Chorus.
wishes to withhold the money that he borrowed. And he will certainly meet with something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist
1305
to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the knaveries he has begun.
1310
For I think that he will presently find what has been long boiling up, that his son is skilful to speak opinions
opposed to justice, so as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse, even if he advance most villainous doctrines;
1315
and perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even speechless.
1320
Strepsiades.
(running out of the house pursued by his son). Hollo! Hollo! O neighbours, and kinsfolk, and fellow-tribesmen, defend me, by all means, who am being beaten! Ah me, unhappy man, for my head and jaw! Wretch! Do you beat your father?
Phidippides.
Yes, father.
1325
Strepsiades.
You see him owning that he beats me.
Strepsiades.
O wretch, and parricide, and house-breaker!
Phidippides.
Say the same things of me again, and more. Do you know that I take pleasure in being much abused?
Strepsiades.
You blackguard!
1330
Phidippides.
Sprinkle me with roses in abundance.
1330
Strepsiades.
Do you beat your father?
Phidippides.
And will prove too, by Jupiter! that I beat you with justice.
Strepsiades.
O thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to beat a father?
Phidippides.
I will demonstrate it, and will overcome you in argument.
Strepsiades.
Will you overcome me in this?
1335
Phidippides.
Yea, by much and easily. But choose which of the two Causes you wish to speak.
1335
Strepsiades.
Of what two Causes?
Phidippides.
The better, or the worse?
Strepsiades.
Marry, I did get you taught to speak against justice, by Jupiter, my friend, if you are
going to persuade me of this, that it is just and honourable for a father to be beaten by his sons!
1340
Phidippides.
I think I shall certainly persuade you; so that, when you have heard, not even you yourself will say anything against it.
Strepsiades.
Well, now, I am willing to hear what you have to say.
[Agon]
It is your business, old man, to consider in what way you shall conquer the man; for if he were not relying upon something, he would not be so licentious. But he is emboldened by something; the boldness of the man
1345
Now you ought to tell to the Chorus from what the contention first arose. And this you must do by all means.
Strepsiades.
Well, now, I will tell you from what we first began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as you know,
I first bade him take a lyre, and sing a song of Simonides, The Shearing of the Ram. But he immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the lyre and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding parched barley.
1355
Phidippides.
For ought you not then immediately to be beaten and trampled on, bidding me sing, just as if you were entertaining cicadae?
Strepsiades.
He expressed, however, such opinions then too within, as he does now; and he asserted that Simonides was a bad poet. I bore it at first, with difficulty indeed, yet nevertheless I bore it. And then I bade him at least take a myrtle-wreath
and recite to me some portion of Aeschylus; and then he immediately said, Shall I consider Aeschylus the first among the poets, full of empty sound, unpolished, bombastic, using rugged words? And hereupon you can’t think how my heart panted. But, nevertheless, I restrained my passion, and said, At least recite some passage
1365
of the more modern poets, of whatever kind these clever things be. And he immediately sang a passage of Euripides, how a brother, O averter of ill! Debauched his uterine sister. And I bore it no longer, but immediately assailed him with many abusive reproaches. And then, after that, as was natural,
1370
we hurled word upon word. Then he springs upon me; and then he was wounding me, and beating me, and throttling me.
1375
Phidippides.
Were you not therefore justly beaten, who do not praise Euripides, the wisest of poets?
Strepsiades.
He the wisest! Oh, what shall I call you? But I shall be beaten again.
Phidippides.
Yes, by Jupiter, with justice.
Strepsiades.
Why, how with justice? Who, O shameless fellow, reared you, understanding all your wishes, when you lisped what you meant? If you said bryn, I, understanding it, used to give you to drink. And when you asked for mamman, I used to come to you with bread. And you used no sooner to say caccan, than I used to take and
1380
carry you out of doors, and hold you before me.
1385
But you now, throttling me who was bawling and crying out because I wanted to ease myself, had not the heart to carry me forth out of doors, you wretch; but I did it there while I was being throttled.
Chorus.
I fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to hear what he will say. For if, after having done such things, he shall persuade him by speaking,
I would not take the hide of the old folks, even at the price of a chick-pea.
1395
It is thy business, thou author and upheaver of new words, to seek some means of persuasion, so that you shall seem to speak justly.
Phidippides.
How pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and clever things,
and to be able to despise the established laws! For I, when I applied my mind to horsemanship alone, used not to be able to utter three words before I made a mistake; but now, since he himself has made me cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with subtle thoughts, and arguments, and speculations,
1400
I think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise one’s father.
1405
Strepsiades.
Ride, then, by Jupiter! Since it is better for me to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a beating.
Phidippides.
I will pass over to that part of my discourse where you interrupted me; and first I will ask you this: Did you beat me when I was a boy?
Strepsiades.
I did, through good-will and concern for you.
1410
Phidippides.
Pray tell me, is it not just that I also should be well inclined toward you in the same way, and beat you, since this is to be well inclined-to give a beating? For why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine not? And yet I too was born free.
1410
The boys weep, and do you not think it is right that a father should weep? You will say that it is ordained by law that this should be the lot of boys. But I would reply, that old men are boys twice over, and that it is the more reasonable that the old should weep than the young, inasmuch as it is less just that they should err.
1415
Strepsiades.
It is nowhere ordained by law that a father should suffer this.
1420
Phidippides.
Was it not then a man like you and me, who first proposed this law, and by speaking persuaded the ancients? Why then is it less lawful for me also in turn to propose henceforth a new law for the sons, that they should beat their fathers in turn?
But as many blows as we received before the law was made, we remit: and we concede to them our having been thrashed without return. Observe the cocks and these other animals, how they punish their fathers; and yet, in what do they differ from us, except that they do not write decrees?
1425
Strepsiades.
Why then, since you imitate the cocks in all things, do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch?
1430
Phidippides.
It is not the same thing, my friend; nor would it appear so to Socrates.
Strepsiades.
Therefore do not beat me; otherwise you will one day blame yourself.
Strepsiades.
Since I am justly entitled to chastise you; and you to chastise your son, if you should have one.
Phidippides.
But if I should not have one, I shall have wept for nothing, and you will die laughing at me.
1435
Strepsiades.
To me, indeed, O comrades, he seems to speak justly; and I think we ought to concede to them what is fitting. For it is proper that we should weep, if we do not act justly.
Phidippides.
Consider still another maxim.
1440
Strepsiades.
No; for I shall perish if I do.
1440
Phidippides.
And yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering what you now suffer.
Strepsiades.
How, pray? For inform me what good you will do me by this.
Phidippides.
I will beat my mother, just as I have you.
Strepsiades.
What do you say? What do you say? This other, again, is a greater wickedness.
Phidippides.
But what if, having the worst Cause,
I shall conquer you in arguing, proving that it is right to beat one’s mother?
1445
Strepsiades.
Most assuredly, if you do this, nothing will hinder you from casting yourself
and your Worse Cause into the pit along with Socrates.
1450
These evils have I suffered through you, O Clouds! Having intrusted all my affairs to you.
Chorus.
Nay, rather, you are yourself the cause of these things, having turned yourself to wicked courses.
Strepsiades.
Why, pray, did you not tell me this, then, but excited with hopes a rustic and aged man?
Chorus.
We always do this to him whom we perceive to be a lover of wicked courses,
until we precipitate him into misfortune, so that he may learn to fear the gods.
1460
Strepsiades.
Ah me ! it is severe, O Clouds! But it is just; for I ought not to have withheld the money which I borrowed. Now, therefore, come with me, my dearest son,
that you may destroy the blackguard Chaerephon and Socrates, who deceived you and me.
1465
Phidippides.
I will not injure my teachers.
Strepsiades.
Yes, yes, reverence Paternal Jove.
Phidippides.
Paternal Jove quoth’a! How antiquated you are! Why, is there any Jove?
Strepsiades.
There is.
1470
Phidippides.
There is not, no; for Vortex reigns having expelled Jupiter.
1470
Strepsiades.
He has not expelled him; but I fancied this, on account of this Vortex here. Ah me, unhappy man! When I even took you who are of earthenware for a god.
Phidippides.
Here rave and babble to yourself.
1475
Strepsiades.
Ah me, what madness! How mad, then, I was when I ejected the gods on account of Socrates! But O dear Hermes, by no means be wroth with me, nor destroy me; but pardon me,
since I have gone crazy through prating. And become my adviser, whether I shall bring an action and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as soon as possible to set fire to the house
1480
of the prating fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthias! Come forth with a ladder and with a mattock and then mount upon the thinking-shop and dig down the roof, if you love your master, until you tumble the house upon them.
1485
But let some one bring me a lighted torch and I’ll make some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be ever so much impostors.
1490
1st Disciple.
(from within). Hollo! Hollo!
Strepsiades.
It is your business, O torch, to send forth abundant flame.
1st Disciple.
What are you doing, fellow?
1495
Strepsiades.
What am I doing? Why, what else, than chopping logic with the beams of your house?
1495
2nd Disciple.
(from within). Ah me! Who is setting fire to our house?
Strepsiades.
The man whose cloak you have taken.
2nd Disciple.
(from within). You will destroy us! You will destroy us!
Strepsiades.
For I also wish this very thing;
unless my mattock deceive my hopes, or I should somehow fall first and break my neck.
1500
Socrates.
(from within). Hollo you! What are you doing, pray, you fellow on the roof?
Strepsiades.
I am walking on air, and speculating about the sun.
Socrates.
Ah me, unhappy! I shall be suffocated, wretched man!
Chaerephon.
And I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death!
1505
Strepsiades.
For what has come into your heads that you acted insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of the moon?
These lines attributed to Strepsiades in the English. Chase, pelt, smite them, for many reasons, but especially because you know that they offended against the gods!
[Exodus]
Lead the way out; for we have sufficiently acted as chorus for today.
1510