Νεκρικοὶ Διάλογοι

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1–3

AEACUS

It’s not easy to do it all, Menippus, but I’ll show you the chief things. This is Cerberus, as you know, and on your way in you’ve already seen the ferryman here who brought you over, and the lake and Pyriphlegethon.

MENIPPUS

I know all that and that you are the gate-keeper, and I’ve seen the king and the Furies. But show me the men of old, and particularly the famous ones.

AEACUS

This is Agamemnon, and this Achilles, here is Idomeneus close by, and here Odysseus, then come Ajax, Diomede and the finest of the Greeks.

MENIPPUS

Dear me, Homer, how the central figures of your epics have been cast to the ground and lie unrecognisable and ugly, all so much dust and rubbish, “strengthless heads” Cf. Homer, Od. II, 29, etc. in very truth! But who is this, Aeacus?

AEACUS

Cyrus, and this is Croesus, and the one beyond him Sardanapalus, and beyond them Midas, and that one is Xerxes.

MENIPPUS

Then you, you scum, were the terror of Hellas? You bridged the Hellespont, and wanted to sail through the mountains? By a canal through Athos. And what a sight Croesus is! And, Aeacus, let me slap the face of Sardanapalus.

AEACUS

Don’t, you’re breaking his skull; it’s as weak as a woman’s.

MENIPPUS

Then at least I’ll have a good spit at him, since he’s as much woman as man. 5

AEACUS

Would you like me to show you the Philosophers?

MENIPPUS

Oh yes, please.

AEACUS

Here first you have Pythagoras.

MENIPPUS

Good day to you, Euphorbus or Apollo, or whatever name you prefer. Cf. Diogenes Laertius, VIII, 4 and 11.